9 terrible tech inventions that should have never happened

Bradley Wint
May 7, 2017 10:21pm AST
Photo: HidrateMe

Not every tech invention is a good idea. While some still gather enough steam of gain some popularity, they’re better off taking a bullet to the head at the back of the shed. Here are some of those really bad ideas.

Juicero – because squeezing fresh fruits is too much work

At $400 per machine, Juicero is basically a machine that squeezes juice from a pack. The product was marketed as a device that can squeeze Juicero packets containing cut-up fruits and vegetables, to create a fresh glass of juice.

The one major problem with this scam…uh device, is that the packets can be squeezed by hand, resulting in the same squeezed juice in a much shorter time. They basically want us to pay $399 for work that our hands could do. Mind you this product was initially being sold for $699.

One of their campaign points was that the packets prevent any mess from being made, making clean up extremely easy. Once the packet is fully squeezed, you would just have to throw it in the bin. However, I don’t think it’s worth $400 unless your hand is extremely weak.

The biggest gripe is the fact that you can’t purchase the packs, which sell for $5-8 unless you own a Juicero machine. Guess I’ll stick to my fresh fruits and veggies.

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iTypewriter – the true definition of hipster

If you’re looking to confirm your hipster status, the iTypewriter is for you. Designed by Austin Wang, this little ‘retro’ invention solved a problem that never really existed. Users would simply have to slip in their iPad and type away with the typewriter-styled keyboard. The hammers hit the respective letter on the screen, but I don’t think that could be too good an idea in the long run.

Wang himself admitted that his device serves no real purpose, but was part of a project to reinvent vintage equipment to be used alongside modern day equipment.

Thankfully the project never caught wind as his campaign on Indiegogo raised only $320 of the required $100,000. Maybe you’ll invent something great, Austin, but this isn’t it.

Bruno smart garbage can – I like paying more money to take out the trash

The Bruno garbage can is a rechargeable bin that can also be used to vacuum dust and other small particles after you’re done sweeping up. Alright, that second bit is not a bad idea, but that’s really about it. The bin costs $140, requires proprietary bags (which costs more than twice as much as the regular stuff), and must be recharged once a month.

The developers really are solving first world problems here. For starters, if you hate bending down to scoop up dust, get a dust pan with a handle. Second, if removing dust is a big problem, that’s what a vacuum cleaner is for.

There’s also an associated app that reminds you when it’s trash day, and when bags run low. Again, you could just use your phone’s default alarm app to remind you about then the trash should be taken out. As for running low, well I’m not really sure how hard it is to remind yourself to buy bags when you see them physically running low.

They offer a “3 month” supply of bags (42) for $20. Of course with any cheesy tech like this, you can’t buy any generic brand as it’s made to work with proprietary bags only. You can get a pack of 90 large bags for just under $13 on Amazon for a regular bin. *eyeroll*

Belty – I’m too lazy to adjust my own belt

The original Belty contains actuators which self-adjust to match your desired level of comfort. Had one too many burgers? The belt will loosen a bit to lessen the pressure on your waist line.

I guess it’s an OK invention, but I feel like as I’m going further down this list, these inventions are solving first world problems which didn’t really need fixing to begin with.

HidrateMe

If you don’t drink enough water for the day, HidrateMe fills in by reminding you from time to time to have a few sips. It also tracks how much water you drink every day based and notifies you based on your target. On the flip side, it costs $46.95.

I’ll stick to my traditional big bottles ($2 max at the store) and just use a marker to keep track of my daily intake.

Oakley Thump Sunglasses – because I’ve never heard about an iPod

For $495, you could have gotten one of these Oakley sunglasses with a built in MP3 player. Just slide the glasses on and stick in the buds into your ears. While this pair doesn’t look so bad, their other options were really ugly. With just 256MB, it was pale in comparison to the minimum 8GB in the 1st gen iPod Touch which was being offered back in 2007.

Gun-styles iPhone case

Should I bother getting into the details about this? It’s not a good idea. If you don’t trust me, at least take the NYPD’s word for it? Unfortunately there are many online stores still selling these iPhone cases. Anything for a quick buck, right?

Digitsole – let’s pay $450 for a foot warmer

If you hate cold feet, this is the shoe for you! At just $450 a pop, the Digitsole can keep your feet nice and cozy. There’s also an automatic lace tightening feature, so you can just slip your feet in and out and press a button for keep those shoes nice and snug.

Did I mention that there are cushioning pads that need to be replaced from time to time? Yea, no problem, but the price tag for the basic replacements start at $110 per pair. If you want the heated option, the price doubles to $220 for a replacement set.

There are also additional fitness tracking features, but why pay so much money when free apps like Google Fit that do a pretty darn good job at tracking the basics? If you want something a little more advanced, get a FitBit. As for heated shoes and self-tensioning laces, I’d avoid those. I’d hate to find out what happens if the thermostat fails, or if the laces fail to stop tightening.

LICKI Brush – bonding with your cat made easier :3

The LICKI Brush is a soft, silicone brush that you put in your mouth (like a pacifier) that is used to lick your cat without the annoying furballs in your mouth (see video above). According to its creators, the licking sensation would apparently help you better bond with your cats, as the soft bristles are “designed to feel pleasurable to your cat’s sensitive skin.”

Cats are interesting creatures. Unlike dogs, they aren’t generally loyal to us and see us just as bigger, dumber, hairless versions of themselves, so can this help us build a stronger relationship with them? Ummm…

The project listed on Kickstarter was successfully funded, with over 2,000 people contributing over $52,000 to the project.

One thing for sure though is that even if you don’t build a stronger relationship with your car, it still add to the crazy cat person stereotype.

That’s enough internet for today.

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